A first-aid-kit for Grief
artwork by Cassi Namoda
Grief is associated with the metal element in TCM, of the Lungs & the Large Intestine organs, and the process of letting go. Often we put this scenario to the back of our minds, but unfortunately we will all encounter grief; and so I hope something here can help you with the process. This is orientated around losing a loved one, but grief comes in many forms and all have an impact on the energetic and physical self; do what makes you feel good!
Community: It can feel really weird messaging friends to let them know of your grief-event, but you’ll be glad you did. I was surprised by how my friends knew exactly what I needed (food, comfort, company), even when I didn’t.
Walks in nature: As someone who regular does yoga, I did zero yoga during my acute grief. Yoga is very intentional, and when you have nothing to give - yoga is hard to do. Bushwalks were a saving grace, my legs just moved and I didn’t have to force it or think. I would also stop to lie in the grass, stare up at the sun and talk with friends.
Creating an altar: You can go all out with flowers, candles and photos, but just a photo and a place where you can talk to your lost loved one in the initial phase is a comforting act. In Hindu culture you keep a light source on with a photo of the person for two months to help them on their journey to their final destination. Tending to my mother’s altar felt like I was still helping her in some way.
Scent: Tying into making an altar, I have also had constant incense burning in the house. I really like the Japanese smokeless variety. I also got given a rose perfume oil that I would roll on my pulse points daily, multiple times. I am surprised by how much comfort I found from scent, however when analysing this from a TCM perspective; the nose is the sense organ of the Metal element; associated with grief. So it makes perfect sense that scents would have a direct action on grief.
Plants to tend to: Caring for a plant brings stillness and observation, and pulls you out of your own head.
Luxurious tea bags: I got gifted lots of tea, the best being a sleep tea and a relax tea. They are comforting in the evenings when anxiety and panic can start to rise.
Familiarity: you may have a low tolerance for new things, new places and new people. I re-watched all 7 seasons of Offspring and all Harry Potter films. I also couldn’t handle meeting new people, and just had to let those around me know. Life feels so unpredictable when you are grieving, familiarity is so so nice.
Don’t make plans initially: or really inactive plans (where people come to you). You are going to be tired.
Call friends overseas: Do you have friend’s overseas in different time-zones? I initially could not sleep and would call my friend in London and chat to her when everyone else here in Australia was asleep.
Take time off: Don’t freak out about falling behind, or letting people down. Sometimes time off helps you get off a train you’re not sure you wanted to be on anyways. You should get some rest instead.
In small routines and rituals you’ll slowly find sustainable ways to support yourself in the long run. Don’t be afraid of getting professional help should you need it (even if you think you don’t!)
Much love to you!
Alyssa
